Closed eyes, full of visions of colour...

Hey there,

The days will always fly by if we don't use our days wisely. Which is why we all feel the time is flying. I ask any Irish person, and they agree with me. What does that say about the Irish people? A word I've said a few times describing people this week, "pessimistic". I must be one of those people myself, at times.

What seems to be happening to the Irish state of mind? People constantly saying that our morale is at an all-time low, wouldn't that inspire us to stand up and do something about it?

I haven't been to the gym in two days, feeling the slowness gathering in my bones. Although I did well today, a nice ham, edam and salad sandwich, a vegetarian lasagne with veg quarter pounder burger, a bowl of popcorn, and some mini choco bars. Feel tired though. Made it to the two lectures of the day and did an hour of study, spent the rest of the day in my own thoughts, listening to various crappy television shows while cosying up to a duvet on an armchair.

If I wanted to, I would sleep all day and all night, no bother.

On Saturday, I went to visit my best friend Shane and his family for dinner, and afterwards, prepared myself to look like an 80's chick, legwarmers, bracelets, earrings, bright colours all around. I felt great! I wish we could always dress up in 80's style. No effort, throw anything on with as many layers and different colours as you can possibly wear. It was a brilliant night out!

On the 17th of October, I will be flying over to Boston, MA, with my parents to attend my cousin's wedding. Am so excited to be visiting, to see all my relatives over there. Last time I'd been to Boston was at 18 years of age, and it wasn't the happiest time of my life. Teenagers can be a handful, especially when away from parents for two months. It was definitely an experience though. But this time, I feel more grown up and responsible for my own Boston experience. There will be independent sightseeing involved, and excessive funage with my cousins, here's hoping.

My stomach has just told me I've killed it with the food earlier and the lack of walking. Am a bad girl!

xx

Apparently what style I write like... Hmmm....

I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

There is nothing worse than sitting in bed, drinking tea and eating custard creams, flicking through Facebook, Twitter and Gmail, and realising, why am I doing this AGAIN, ALL DAY?

MSN, mostly to be seen as "Appear Offline", so nobody thinks, "OMG, she's always online! Does she have anything else to do?". Although people have already commented on numerous occasions, just how much they've seen me online..

And, I started out so good in June, plans worked out as to what to do and where to go. I learned to play the tin-whistle a bit, and I walked everyday. I lost a little weight, and that made me happy. But then...

Low emotions, a few drinking nights out, and back to being a lazy, unemployed 27 year old, unsure of her future in anything. Why do the littlest things distract me? People tugging on my emotional strings, trying to borrow my love and the little money I had. Looking at people thinking, oh wow, they have a job, a social life, and a lover. Why can't I have that? Because I've already given up.

I've given up so many, many, many times. I try again, and then I give up again. What happened to those success affermations (oh dear, I can't even spell properly anymore)...

Never ever EVER give up!

Clear your mind of the word CAN'T!

Do what you can, where you are, with what you have!

Hugs, M x

Broke Days and all that..

So... It's the last day of July, and I'm basically without money. Yeah, pretty much broke, still without a job, and might not even go back to college (due to said fund shortage). That's the scandal now with myself, but not to fear, something will turn up.

My CV looks as weak as ever. Afraid to give it out to people now because of all that paper I'm wasting with people not even looking at the ones I've given out. What are we expected to do? Keep going around in a circle until someone actually notices your potential in a future career? *Sigh*

Lately, a few ex-boyfriends have been messing with my head. It's along the same pattern: I love you, I really do, Let's make this work, But we won't be going out, and I want to have sex with you.
I mean, REALLY! COME ON! Honestly, because I'm so nice, they expect after all that happened, that I'd be an easy lay? It's disappointing to say the least.

Urgh, please, Mr. Right, I'm still waiting for you to friggin' pop up, and actually have a good old conversation and fun times with. I'm a decent, nice person like.

Oh, made €10 on the horses this week! Woo hoo! And it was the first time betting. Still don't understand it, but I won, so I'm happy out. Smiles. x

Love my sister x

She turned a quarter of a century today, and we're about to head out for a few drinks. She's always acted like the older one, but I love her to bits. I wouldn't change a single thing.



Breda and me, June 2007
Happy Birthday hunni xxx Love u x

A Letter to my Friend about my Weight...

I recently wrote a letter to my friend, and it sums up how things are at the moment for me. Maybe I should write letters and post them more often.
Makes me want to write more...

"Hey hunni,

Thanks for the email addy and the message earlier.
So, its good news really. There's no damage to my body, nothing is broken or put out, thank god. My back and legs have been in such pain, but am lucky there's no damage.
But, she said I'm at a BMI of 45, so she said I've seriously got to lose that weight. I told her I totally understood that, and that if there was any way I could see a dietitian or nutritionist. She said that there isn't one publicly, that I'd have to pay for it, and I said I didn't mind. It's for my health.
So, she rang one at the Galway Clinic, and she has to now write a letter to the dietitian to refer me to her.
I have to go see my doctor every month now, to check on my weight and health, but she said I'm very healthy for an overweight person.
My body work seems to be great. So, that's brilliant news.

Yeah, I would never get up for a walk this early, but I couldn't go back to sleep, and I was worried, so that pushed me out of the bed. I'd rather walk early in the morning as well where nobody can see me, but can I ever usually get out of bed so early? Nope :)

It's 5pm now. I ate from 12pm to now, and total calories I ate were 1687. Isn't that crazy?!
All I had was crossaint with ham & cheese (from shop), weightwatchers tortilla chips (18g), tiny 99cal choco bar, and my dinner consisted of 2 noodle portains, 2 large sausages and a swechuen sweet chili sauce thru it. Hahaha. Food portions will have to become smaller :D

Yesterday though, when I started the calorie count change, I'd eaten 2461, so I've done way better today. But, that still might change lol. My weakness for food is there.

I'm totally never this fixed on something, ever. I mean, I've always hated routine. But, if you need any support from me, I'm there for you. Think we all need motivation and a push. Hope you don't find my emails boring lol. Am just so excited about this.

She had to take me off the Yasmin pill, because of the weight. I told her I was fine with that, told her I'm not even concentrating on guys or sex these days, that control of my weight is number 1 right now. I just want to be able to walk normally again without pains all over my body.

My friend is coming to Galway tomorrow and Saturday. So, I'm not looking forward to the walks, a load of pain. But, I wanna do it.
Oooh, the Heathers are playing in HMV Galway on Saturday at 5pm, woo hoo :D Can't wait to hear that lovely Discover Ireland song from them (the one that came on Blogtv)... Hehehe :P

Chat ya later girlie :) Máire :)"

xxx