Tuesday, 5 April 2011


How can someone still feel like they're frightened of the world?
I had hoped I would be brave and take on the world by now. But, am in my late twenties, and I seem to have closed up to the world.
I hate my body. I eat everything I see. I try to be good for a few weeks, but then I get bored, and eat again.
Whenever people look at me, I see their eyes, their mouth, the look of disgust. It frightens me, and it hurts me.
Sure there are people out there saying "Change it, Change it!", but it's so as easy as that. You don't understand. You don't realise the fear, the scared feeling. The cocoon I have made for myself, it is safe, it will not harm me.

It will never hurt me.


Darragh Ó Héiligh said...

Ah we're going to have to meet up again soon.

I know what will fix that....

Meeting Ike. :)

Grannymar said...

I agree with Darragh. Ike certainly improves the world.

Xx ~ Yvonne ~ Xx said...

This makes so much sense to me.I'd imagine that many other people say the same thing and it sounds like a sore and awkward place to be.Feeling torn between two things that you want equally.The safety and predictability of being the way you are.Of feeling protected and shielded and almost half invisible from food.And the the other part of you that knows that the 12 stone you were was far more comfortable.You had lea-way.You weren't stuck.But it's the process of getting to the 12 stone.The exposure.The panic and random sense of unsafety..I can imagine you know.And what I can say is that you can actively work on all of this if you believe you WANT to.Because you sure as hell deserve it and you have my 100% support :)